I have something I call the mating bag, and I often play the dating game with it. Abandoned, lonely, and mismatched signatures all gather in this
little bag of mine. Some lay straight, some crumbled and crushed, some are young and new, others are old and worn; but all are awaiting and willing to play this game with me. I play mainly, no… always, in the winter. This secret game started well before I married. It is an addiction that I do not wish to stop. It is a game I so look forward to every year. This bag is kept hidden deep within a closet that know one dare enter. Just the thought of this bag sends goose bumps down my neck, moisture to my lips, and then concludes with gloriously, sensual warm feet! FEET?
Yes, people. I am talking about my white plastic sock bag. What did you think I was talking about? Dirty, dirty, dirty little minds. I am sure many of you have one, a sock bag not a dirty mind. There may even be a few of you that also play this game of shame with Nike, Nononesence, and others. This bag is where the lost and misplaced one-sided sock goes. I can’t bear to throw them away. Heck, half are brand new. Most of the mates suffered an unknown death, others were eaten by the washing machine or met their demise by the playful antics of my Mutt; however, all the remaining partners still have life and great potential when hidden by my knee-high snow boots. There are soft cuddly ones, rough but warm ones. There are short ones and tall ones. Socks of every color in the rainbow adorn my bag and delight my eyes.
In winter I can pull this bag out and play the dating game. Sometimes the game is nothing more than catch and release other times a true courtship will ensue. Qualified applicants must pass a series of questions. Do the potential mates have compatible texture or weave? Do they have the same integrity? Do they have fun together on your feet? How about their comfort value and what about that “wow!” factor, is it there? Do polar opposites attract? For example, would the sophisticated plaid entertain the idea of being paired with the, oh so special, fun loving Ho Ho HO message sock?
After careful consideration, I often use the speed dating technique, in which I try them on my feet and do a short test run through the house. I love how the newer ones slide across the hardwood floor when I take them on a test run. If it all works, they are then paired and put into the sock drawer until it’s time to put away my beloved snow boots. Of course, this marriage of blended colors, designs and textures are forbidden in today’s society but who will be the wiser under all my layers of cloths and boots?
I take pride in my rebel ways and look forward to winter. However, the New Year will bring change. You see, my bag has seen better days and my mates have been put through the ringer year after year. Most are ready to move on to the retirement home they call The Good Samaritan Compost Heap. There, they will find new uses beyond their comprehension. For me, this year will bring something more than a plastic supermarket bag to stash them in. I have a new recycled, reusable bag which will hold all my potentials looking for mates. I also went shopping for new socks. They are stacked up on the washer awaiting a good spin. My Mutt has spied them and the drool has started flowing. In her mind, this is equivalent to a new toy just out of reach.
Other uses for socks are: dusting, also storing your prized Christmas tree ornaments for next year.
Oh yeah, you can cover your golf clubs with them when putting away for the winter.
Just out of curiosity, what do you guys do with your lost mates?