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What The Heck Is This Pony Tail Doing Here? or I’ll Get You And Your Little Dog Too!

Warning: this post may not appropriate for young viewers or men or women with weak stomach or anyone with a fear of Chaetophobia and or Gerontophobia. It contains grossness, in a gross way… also as in repel, revolt, freakness and or disgust.  You don’t want to read this.  Okay, you have been warned.  This courtesy warning was brought to you by Legs,,,, long, long, legs.  I found out quickly that gross types of post need to carry some type of rating system.

Yesterday while I was driving down the mountain, I started sorting out the evils of the day, when all of a sudden I felt a tickle.  I gave it a swipe and forgot about it. On the way back home I had to crank up the heater fan to warm these old bones and that is when I felt it again. I flipped down the mirror but saw nothing. For 40 miles I worried with this occasional flutter.

That night I was walking to the bathroom to do my night time routine and I felt it again. Earlier in the day, I had looked in the rear view mirror several times to find the source of this irritant but it was not to be.  Then I thought, maybe I am having a stroke.  I don’t have time for a stroke!    Nope it had to be a hair or a spider web.   I was bound and determined to find the source of this annoyance. So I started feeling all over my face. I finally  found it. It felt like a string attached to my cheek…maybe with syrup. Hey, it could happen!  As my fingers fondled this string, I noticed it was about a mile long. Well, that is what it felt like but in reality it was only about 3 inches long (that is around 7 cm for the rest of the planet).  How in the world did a 3 inch string get stuck on my cheek with syrup and managed to evade my searching eyes?   I ran to the bathroom mirror to get a better look.  I quickly found out it was not a string at all it was a hair, however, this was no ordinary hair. NO! Oh no, it turns out it was a cluster of little locks. ON MY CHEEK!  And there was not a hint of syrup anywhere.  This mane was attached with FOLLICLES.  I had a sinking feeling this was going to be one of those, your getting way old, moments so I locked the door and stared at the reflection before me. How in the world could a CLUSTER of hairs be growing on my cheek at a measurement of three inches with out somebody, anybody noticing.  I am not talking where the cheek meets the hair line. I am talking right in the middle of my cheek!

Wait, maybe someone did notice but was afraid to tell. OMG.

The shame of it all.

I began contemplating how to handle this. To shave, would open Pandora’s box. You remember don’t you? Mom always said if you start shaving your hair will grow back twice as dark, twice as fast, and twice as much. Twice as much?  That would be 6 inches!  No way was I going to shave it. After what seemed like hours of agonizing scenarios,  I decided to wrap, yes that is what I said, wrap it around my finger and yank that frigin’ pony tail right off my face.

And I did.

Remove the pony tail.

Hurt like no bodies business.

Son of a Bisquick eater!

OUCH.

To add insult to injury, literally, I was really surprised to see that it was not blonde. It was not even dirty blonde.  It was a painter’s palette of several shades of  gray strands;  some were so gray they were white, others were shimmering in the bathroom light and still the others were just plain old gray with a bit of character to them.  By character I mean, kinky little wiry hairs some stiff as a board others just waving in the wind.  It was a pony tail,  I tell ya, of mixed origins !

That is me third one from the end

I guess I should thank my lucky stars that I did not have a Papa Smurf beard.  And after further inspection I did not find any sign of a fu manchu, goatee, mutton chops, soul patch (okay my mind just went somewhere it should not have gone), or any other volume of hair worthy of the Y chromosome.  I did notice a bit of a ‘stache on the upper lip.  I’m going to have to keep an eye on that.

In conclusion: I am finding out that growing old comes with a few perks but it also carries with it a few surprises. So check out your face daily.  Take it from me, no one is going to want to tell you about that full-on pony tail you got growing on the side of your jowl.

Move over Wicked Witch of the West there is a new gal in town. (insert wicked laugh here)

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56 thoughts on “What The Heck Is This Pony Tail Doing Here? or I’ll Get You And Your Little Dog Too!

  1. I was worried it would be another spider post at the start, I was bracing myself!

    I get a random hair sticking out of my forehead off centre, it only grows to about an inch though, I used to leave it in the hope it would grow really long so it would be a conversation starter.

    I was out Friday and two friends were staring at me and then started plucking wayward hairs from my sideburn, and then they commented one was sticking out of my nostril so I moved away from them before their fingers tried grabbing it.

  2. Joe Joe you are a nut. For you to have read on past the warning, I dare say you are a brave nut. Your little forehead hair was no more a conversation starter than my pony tail, was it? 🙂 And anybody that has friends willing to do the dirty work of nostril hair cleaning is a very lucky or cursed person.

  3. Very funny. Mine isn’t quite pony-tail worthy. But it is black on my pale (ok cadaverish) Irish skin. Looks lovely. But scissors do work exceedingly well. All I have to do is remember.

    • Stella, 17, has rather pale skin too and of Irish decent. She is not old enough for the witches tail but she does have a dark ‘stache trying to peak through. She bleaches. I’m afraid mine had far surpassed the bleaching stage and went right into the lawn mower status. I am following your lead. I went to the store tonight and bought the best hair sheers they had.

  4. OMG…had a similar experience. All I could see in the mirror was great-grandma and her “Beard” – on of things that made me vow to visit the nearest facial/wax/specialist. True to life. Glad I’m not alone.

  5. OH MY I thought I was going to hyperventilate at first thinking it was some mutant hairy spider. And then I laughed so hard my kids came running. Oh this was hysterical! (aside from the pain you endured yanking it) I am sure that day is coming for me very soon. I have a few gray hairs sticking out of my hairline now and why are they always the texture of Brillos pads? what is up with that? God has quite the sense of humor.

    • I put that warning in just for you and Joe. I remember how freaky you got about the spider. I did not know how you felt about hair and old age so I tried covered all bases. I am now tickled pink that you enjoyed it. I know all about those brillo pads. My hair (on my head) went from soft and silky to I think I will grow in this other direction for a while. What once was beautiful is now wild and wooly.

  6. My facial hair grows in singles– long, coarse, ugly, ungirlie things. My hair dresser does threading, which is the most painful thing besides child birth that I can remember. It hurt so bad I waited until the hair on my head and face grew together before submitting to another threading. Finally, I confessed that I could no longer take it. She has gone back to waxing–much better. Just rips it off in a few violent jerks.

      • There’s a kiosk at our mall that does this. I’ve never stopped and ogled the process because I didn’t want to appear like a clodhopper just off the farm, but I’m curious too. How do they thread hair?

      • I thought Threading was just wrapping a thread around the base of the hair and yanking it out.
        Which is why all the girls come out with very red skin above and below the brows…

  7. HILARIOUS! I about died looking at the picture in the facial hair line-up. Would you be willing to accept a dare, in which you wait for the ponytail to grow back and then once it’s of a decent length, wrap a teeny tiny ponytail holder around it? You would have to wear that in public for at least a few days to claim you prize (which probably doesn’t exist).

  8. Ms. Kibble, you have totally outdone yourself this time! I love it. Just today–I swear–I was thinking about a solitary strand that produced itself under my chin a few years ago. I was totally aghast when I discovered it. How in the blazes did my face grow something that long without my catching it? Because, really, I do look in the mirror every day and watch for those rogue hairs. So, your post is a hoot. I love your brazen honesty. We need more of you on this planet! Although just one of you is enough and simply fabulous!

    • I KNOW RIGHT? Every morning I wash and apply around a pound of cream on this old mug. One would think I would have seen that mass of hair growth! I think that is why it hit me so hard…the length, the color, the placement. Oh lawd, the placement!

  9. I too, started curling my toes in fear of a spider post, but this was frightening and hilarious at the same time. Frightening because it summons that exact shock when I find these rogue hairs on my body. What’s with these follicles? Mine pop up all over so I can’t oversee their growth and cut short their lives. Usually I’ll be visiting with someone and notice them staring at me. Then I know that I either have: a)lipstick on my teeth, b)mascara on my eyelids c) a mutant hair waving in the wind.
    You’re a delightfully honest and witty woman.

  10. Okay…I googled threading. Most of the comments are like Myra’s and say this really hurts.

    I put the link NBC news link about it here in case you want to know.

    • ouie ouie ouie. That lady actually looks like she is smiling. I remember one time I was playing with a string. I twisted it so tight that it wrapped in on itself. I made the dumb mistake of getting it too close to my bangs. I ended up with the first layered hair cut I ever had. Believe me it was not pretty.

  11. Pingback: I’m too sexy…errr hairy… | Hobbling Around

  12. I get these now and then – always long, grey and wirey and I have no idea why I didn’t see them growing those three inches. But not just on my face – on my areola (if you don’t know what that is, look it up… I’m too embarrassed to say). I feel like a freak of nature. Menopause sucks.

  13. One of my big fears is that one day I will be in a nursing home and no one will attend to my face fuzz. It is truly horrifying.

  14. So funny. You kept my attention all the way through.

    One of my students from Egypt (adult) told me a few months ago that I had a long hair just under my lower lip and would I mind letting her take it off. She pulled out some thread, did some kind of magic and snipped it off, then proceeded to work on my cheeks. 🙂 When I told my grown daughter I let the student do that, she just about died. I thought it was neat.

  15. I love the fact that you faced it with a great sense of humor. I will freak out too if I see something growing on my face. I do have one white hair on my left cheek as far as I can remember that would grow back again and again. I was told was lucky. Thanks for sharing a fun post. Stay blessed my friend.

  16. I’m just now getting back to this riotous conversation. Glad you checked out threading. I’ll stay hairy before I’ll ever do that again. Many young Indian women come into my hair dresser’s shop and sit for threading without a wiggle. I’m a wimp. Wax me and rip it off in one yank.

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