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And They Say Nothing Exciting Happens in Mayberry

The day ended like every other day in our quaint little town I often refer to as Mayberry.  All of the girls decided to grab a drink after work at the only bar in town.

Hey, I wonder, did Mayberry have a bar or did you have to go to Mount Pilot for a little drinkiepoo. Come to think of it Mayberry was a dry county….I think. How did Otis find his happy juice? WAIT, I am doing it again.

One of the girls that writes for our monthly paper, was telling us about a story she wrote.  Apparently, a letter was sent to her desk from a man who was thinking about moving here.   She thought it would make a good public relations article since he wanted to know about the village’s off-season and what there was to do up here. He asked about the weather and snow averages. He was curious about the crime level and job situation. The letter also mentions he is a florist and a damn good one. You could name any rose in the world and he could find it. She tells us the letter was a bit long so she condensed it.  She puts her hand in her pocket and pulls out the original letter.   She told us he is a widower and asked what the female population was like up here.

WHA? That is a strange question. 

He also wanted to know if she thought any of the women up here would consider going out on a date with a nice widower.

??? What the heck??? Is this his version of match.com.  Is this his way of GoFish?  Okay, by now I am thinking there is something really wrong here.

The friend that was with me said that it sounded like he was just lonely and she felt sorry for him losing his wife.   Okay, well growing up in a big city will make a person a little distrustful when things don’t sound right. I guess you can take the girl out of the city but you will never get the city out of the girl..

About the same time as my cocktail was being served, (cocktail sounds so much better than my  booze) another friend came in the door and announced she got a letter from this same guy. Except he was a Chocolate-tier not a florist as claimed in the letter that was published. Then another one comes in waving papers. Same guy but this time he is a professional Photographer. Then another and another and another….so far there have been 8 letters sent to the women of this town. All with pretty much the same content but a different profession each time.

As I sat on the stool, I got to looking at the writing. It did not look like a man’s writing but that means nothing.  Now comes the good part. I turn the letter over and notice the envelope. It is from Plainview and not only it is from TX it is from the prison there. PRISON!?  It was then I realized, Houston, we DO have a problem. While the girls were pondering this mystery of all the letters and what it could mean, I grabbed my iPhone and did a search on his name.  Lo and behold, his name pops up with a picture and a request for a prison pen pal. Oh yeah, he is a prisoner not a guard. I know this cause I Googled  the prison records. There he was, doing time for embezzlement and fraud charges. It also said he is up for release on 7/7/12.  Now the whole town is in on this and waiting to see if more women to come forward with their letters from the Mayberry stalker. Truly a mystery that is yet to be played out.

Later that night I got to thinking about the women he sent letters to.  These women were business owner, social butterflies, women in various positions and or popular ladies in the village.  Then I thought HEY, wait just a minute…Where is my stinking letter?

To be continued…..maybe…I hope…or do I?

 

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30 thoughts on “And They Say Nothing Exciting Happens in Mayberry

  1. I lived in a Mayberry. About 3,000 people in Saskatchewan. It had 2 nicknames, Hooterville and Diaperville. Was a bedroom community with average age of about 22 or something. I can see this clearly in my minds eye haha

    • Dang, I never thought of Hootersville.
      My Mayberry has 702 full time residents. If everyone showed up at the same time, (part timers included) we would have 1400 houses filled. This is a community that caters to the tourist and 50ish-es. The ladies with letters ranged from 31 to 60. And I was no where on his radar. Hump!
      Oh and we got that bedroom community alive and well here in Mayberry. That is the only part I hate about living here.

  2. Hi,
    That is unreal, I could only laugh when you found out he was in prison, clearly looking for someone that is earning money so he can be kept in better style that he is presently living. You never know your letter may be on it’s way, or as lifeinthefarcelane said, he knew you would not get sucked in. 😀

  3. I see the beginning of your mystery novel! Start following each of the ladies and see who responds/who doesn’t…who gets the next letter…and what you discover as the mystery unfolds!!

  4. Well, as you know, the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. I hope you get your letter soon. It’s so much easier to ignore a letter than to wonder why you didn’t get one! I wonder where he got his names and addresses from…….?

  5. If someone responds to him their second letter will probably have a request for money – with a very good tear-jerking reason why he needs it. Why else would he invest in so many stamps on his meager prison wages. And apparently he’s never lived in a small town or he’d know that everybody knows everybody else’s business and he would be found out.

  6. This is so exciting!

    He had probably sent these out to towns all over the place and someone will get suckered in, you were wise to him from the start. Now you need a plan for if he turns up, it’ll end with him being run out of town in his underwear though.

    I never knew you can just google prison records, that’ll be my fall back for the times when you are on the internet and can’t remember what you were going to look up.

  7. In Mayberryian moments like this, you should ask yourself: WWAD (What Would Andy Do?)
    Then it would probably all turn out to be a misunderstanding between the baker and the mechanic, and you could all go out for some pie.

  8. You girls be careful! This guy sounds creepy!

    Note: Raff Hollister operated a still somewhere in the hills outside of Mayberry, those two spinsters that lived in town had one in their greenhouse, and I can think of about five other people who had them, and Barney was pretty sure there was one up at Hawk’s Point too. It may have been a dry county, but Otis had quite a few brews to choose from.

  9. Ha! What an enterprising con. If only he put that much effort into legitimate endeavors, imagine how far he’d go. And he probably hasn’t sent you a letter because he already reads your blog…perhaps even commenting on it…just like this…

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