Fundamental Fridays – Elementary My Dear Idiom

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Have you ever wondered where idioms come from? Not idiots, they are born.  I am talking about idioms.

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id·i·om Noun/ˈidēəm/

1. A group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual words (e.g., raining cats and dogs).

2. A form of expression natural to a language, person, or group of people: “he had a feeling for phrase and idiom”.

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Okay, the word idiom has been defined but how in the world were they coined?  My daughter hates it when I use idioms.  She complains that she has no idea what I am talking about.  Recently, I  found a few south western idioms that I am not familiar with and I too have no idea what they are talking about.

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For example: 

Slicker than two snails porking in a bucket of snot.  (There was another word used instead of porking but I chose to change it.  Where did this saying come from? )

Or how about this one –   “If ya don’t know awhere’s you’re a goin’, it’d be a good idea not to use your spurs.”   (What does that mean anyway?  I would like to think it means be kind to all, but, who really knows?)

Or  –  “sucking the hind tit”, (What the heck?  Is there an order when it comes to tits?  Is the hind tit the good one or the bad one?  And is this referring to a cows tits? I am so seriously confused)

A few of these western idioms I have never heard before, but I can understand them. 

Don’t squat with your spurs on.  (yep, that one I get)

If all his brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow his nose.  (Yep, I have met folks like that)

If you ain’t making dust, you’re eating it. ( I got this one)

How about, Don’t be a woman that needs a man, be the woman a man needs.  (well I got news for the idiot that coined that phrase.  If we women knew how to deal with the crap a ma….    aahh, never mind )

Now, southern idioms make perfect sense to me.

I’m going to knock you into next week.  (this, to me, does not need explanation.  Is this even an idiom?  It does not even feel like an idiom)

Even a spotted dog looks black at night.  (this means things will look better in the morning)

  That dog won’t hunt.  (meaning it just ain’t going to happen)

The southern language is laced with  hidden meanings.

Ima gunna see a man about a dog.  (that means you don’t want anyone to know where you are going and you don’t want them to follow you)

She is such a lady. (the old saying is, you should never call a lady a b!*ch but you can always call a b!*ch a lady)

And my favorite and probably the most used –   Well, bless your heart.  ( most of the time that means you are stupid or something else that I absolutely will not write.) 

In the south, a minute – is more like a few hours ( that is not too far off from  mountain time)

Around the bend – is about 10 miles from the turn in the road ( 40 miles in the  mountains)

Directly – is when ever I get around to it (they don’t say directly here in the mountains)

Feelin’ poorly – that is southern code for I am hung over. (folks here on the mountain just tell it like it is.. I got a hang over)

And, down yonder –  can be as close as a few feet to as far as the next state. (they don’t say that here either but I sure do get a lot of flack when I use it).

If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

If I were any better, I would not know what to do with myself.

If I were any better, I would still be in the bed.

OMGosh, I can’t stop.  How did I get off on this tangent???

I gota stop.

Until next time, practice your idioms not your idiot-ism.

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Fundamental Fridays – Dessert

The above is an entry I put on my facebook a few days ago.  I am so happy I was able to go see my hub’s grandma.  I had wanted to go to the home for a quite awhile.  Unfortunately, she is unable to communicate any longer.  She can not move any part of her body except her eyes and mouth.   However, those eyes speak volumes.

She has always had a serious sweet tooth and chocolate is her favorite.  When I left that night I decided the next time I go to see her I was going to bring her a chocolate dessert.  I had no idea if I could do it or not.  Was she on a restrictive diet?  I knew she didn’t have diabetes. And I knew she would enjoy her absolute favorite dessert immensely.  Two weeks later, I hid a chocolate frosty in my purse, shut the door to her room and feed it to her.  I got the biggest smile from her.  To me, she still remains a most beautiful woman.

As I was leaving, I adjusted her roomy’s pillow and got her glasses so she could see the news.  I also ran into the little lady with the bling.  Well, she ran into me as I was coming out of the room.  We chatted a bit.  She had no idea what she was talking about but she was so enthusiastic about it, ?, I just could not stop her so I grinned when she grinned and laughed when she laughed.

The one thing I took away with me that night is although we all age our fortitude is one thing we can take with us, if we choose to bring it.  And never let ageing take away your bling!

Next week’s dessert will be a chocolate coffee surprise.

Fundamental Fridays: Family ……….part 2

WARNING: If you missed last weeks post, This side of the Family….part 1, then you will not have a clue what is going on this week  And of course my disclaimer:  I was somewhere between 8 and 12 when all this was going on so the little incidentals maybe a bit fuzzy but the main events REALLY did happen.

I remember walking up to that trough of water and looking at it.  It was the color of that chocolate bull in the back yard!  I was NOT getting in.  I demanded clean water and I wanted it all to myself.   I was told to get in and get in right then, or else!Gulp.The water was ice cold just like my night!  I was so ready to get back home to my comfy warm bed and to my indoor restroom, complete with toilet, sink and bubble bath tubby.  I was fed up.

As soon as I got out of the tub, I ran to the bed and claimed the very center.  I had no idea which one of my cousin’s was the heating pad; but for prime real estate, I was willing to take a chance.  I was not going to get bumped again.  As everyone settled in and starting to drift off, I realized I had to use the bathroom.I asked my cousin beside me where the bathroom was.  She said out in the field.  I asked her again, and again she said, out in the field.  She was serious.  She asked me if I remembered the little shed that gave me the black-eye.  I said yes.  She tells me it is not called an out-house for nothing.  It is the bathroom.  I laid there stunned.  It was pitch dark outside, the out-house was at least an acre away, and let’s not forget the BULL who helped me get my black eye in the first place.  My mind’s eye was picturing him standing behind the out-house in wait of a little unsuspecting kid. Yep, there was no way on God’s green earth that I was going out there.  I believe one of the other cousins had the same fears as me; because later that night I found myself lying at the foot of the bed again without covers and icy wet!  I WANTED TO GO HOME.

The third day was hot I mean really hot.  We rode the horses.  Played hide and seek but no stick ball in the field.  As long as I was there I was not going to get dirty again. My parents told me after dinner we would be heading back home.  Home to my little world I called paradise.  It is funny, you think your life is so horrible until you live horrible for three days.  We all sat down to eat and I noticed the fan was blowing the air out the window instead of in!  I needed air people.  I suggested turning the fan around but that was quickly dismissed.  They said it makes for a cooler house this way.  I remembered thinking they are ALL nuts and I share their blood.  (we did not know the term genes back then)  Of course, now I know the reasoning behind Grams logic.

That summer will forever be etched in my mind.  I both loved it and hated it, but no matter what, I am grateful I had that time in my life.  After I became an adult, I went back to Grams.  The house had not changed one iota.  The lay out of the furniture was the same.  The structure of the house the same; however there was one improvement.  An indoor bathroom, equipped with sink, toilet and a claw foot tub, genius.  And guess where they put it….on the back porch!

When I looked back for the last time, I saw that little home for what is really was.   It was no more than a little tiny farmhouse.  The porch that I remembered as huge is now no bigger than a minute.  And that big kitchen, small as well.  In fact, I have a hard time seeing how we all packed into that little farm house my daddy grew up in.

I know, I know I skipped D and E.  I will return to them next week.

Until next time

Fundamental Friday’s: Beyond Belief

There has been a lot of stuff that has been beyond belief  in my life.   I could talk about my oldest son, at age 35, having stomach cancer last year.  He, by the grace of God, is in remission.  Or how my mom that smoked three packs a day from the time she was 11 lived to be 79.  She passed last year.    My favorite dog dies a very odd death.  And I almost lost my husband to someone else.  Yep, 2010 and 2011 was beyond belief for me, but all that stuff does not compare to what happened to me 21 years ago.

My 1st husband and I divorced a few years before my oldest son graduated high school.  I met my now husband about a couple of years before graduation.  Time was flying by.  I remarried and son was graduating in 1 week.  My ex and my present had never formally met.  I was a little bit concerned .  The day before graduation, I called my ex.  I wanted to make sure he would agree not to make a scene on his son’s graduation day.  He did not answer.  The day of son’s graduation I got a call.  It was my ex brother-in-law.  “Jon is dead”, I heard him say.  I could not understand.  How could this be?

He had a stroke at age 32. He would not see his son graduate.

As my husband and family were waiting for the ceremony to begin, I felt something on my cheek.  It was a brushing glance.  It felt warm, rough,  and light.  It felt like my ex husband’s calloused hands.  I turned quickly, I just knew I would see him and all that crap was just that.. crap.  I mean how in the world can you die of a stroke at age 32?  I could feel instant rage inside me.  I swung my head around to face the devil.  No one was there.  No one could have been.  I was at the end of the top of the bleachers.  Even though he was not there,  I could feel his presence standing beside me.  Part of me was glad he was able to be there for his son’s graduate; however, it left me feeling just plain – spooked.    It still remains today one of my first beyond belief memory.

By the way, the night my mom died, I was awoken from a very sound sleep.  I opened my eyes expecting to see my mother.  I just knew she was there.  I could smelled her breath at my nose.  Since, my mom smoked all her life she had a very distinctive smell.  Of course, she was not there.  She had passed and that was confirmed by my sister-in-law within 3 mins of my mom’s visit.

I would love to hear from you.  Do you have a story like this?  Please share with me, let me know I am not alone in this paranormal experience.