aMusing Mondays: Touch IT!!!

Update:  The other night, as I was changing shifts with my brother at the hospital, I thought I may never again hear my daddy say, “Happy Birthday, little girl.”, as he has for the past 50 plus, plus years.  But he surprised me yesterday.  He somehow managed to have enough strength to write.  Hap y B   gil.  It made me feel complete and broken hearted as the same time.  He is not able to open his eyes but he is still with us.  He can hear, understand and move his eyebrows.  The doctors say there is very little hope he will leave ICU.

On to the post: We had no rain for around 9 months which lead to the forest closure.  This story took place the first weekend that our forest reopened.

I had been waiting all summer to go hiking and do a little Geo Caching.  Hubs, daughter and I set out on a cache I had been eying for months.   As we rolled up, the GPS said the cache, “Rotten to the Core”, was to the left and straight up. Literally, like at a 110 degree angle. “No Way!” says Hubs. He points out the description said a gentle incline.  He insisted we turn around and go to a forest trail  entrance about a quarter of a mile back.  I thought, ‘This was going to take forever if we do it his way!’ And with that thought, I started complaining.

“This is not right.” I mumbled.

No one heard my skepticism, so… I said it LOUDER! Hubs kept on walking. Daughter had a slight look of doubt on her face but kept on walking too. We walked down a valley with the sound of thunder rolling on the mountain. We had great cloud coverage and a light sprinkle. The only good thing so far was the awesome day we picked for a treasure hunt.    We had walked about a quarter of the way in when it got a little eerie. The further we walked the darker and quieter it became. Bear poop was everywhere and the carcass of a half eaten elk was under a tree. EEEKKK.   Soon the only sound I heard was the sound of our own shoes on the forest floor, oh, and me still whining.


It felt like we walked for miles, until hub says, “I think this is it”. Sure enough, the clue for the cache was “next to a ghostly moss covered tree” and there it was.   Well I’ll be dang!  He was getting pretty good at this game and of course,  he loves it when he is right.   


We all head over to the discovery. Then I hear daughter start to complain of something biting her or maybe a plant poked her.

“Mom!” she says in a panic. ” Touch this plant and see if it pokes you.”

“NO! Are you crazy?” I asked her.

“NO MOM, TOUCH IT, TOUCH IT NOW . I HAVE TO KNOW! JUST TOUCH IT”  So…..I touched it.  

“D@m~ IT, Daughter!” I yelled. She started laughing uncontrollably. I think from relief that a snake had not bitten her or maybe it was the little OMG it hurts dance I was doing.  My hand started swelling up like a puffer fish. It was stinging so bad that I instinctively put it to my mouth to try to cool it down. Within seconds my tongue was on fire! I was scrambling for the first aid kit. Daughter and I had blisters all over our hands and they were getting bigger by the second. We were lost somewhere between sarcastic laughter and the reality of our pain, when I heard husband at the top of the hill asking what the hold up was.  I could not believe he asked that question.  I mean, he was watching the whole thing from above.  I felt a wave of furious envelope me and I preceded to yelled at him that we were stung.  But the words I heard coming out of my face were more like.

“Lee R tung!” My tongue was SWOLLEN! “Whaaa?” 

“Wha ist this tuff???” I beg in a panic to my husband.

“Stinging Nettles.” he says laughing from the top of the hill.

Upon hearing this, I lost all interest in yelling at Hubs, however, I did feel like reaching over and strangling the teen that stood before me, especially after she says, “Good, at least I was not bitten.” in the way that only a teen, who did not want to be there in the first place, could say it .  (again with the strangling)  I could not find anything in a First Aid kit for stings.   I did find a sterile wipe and Neosporin.  Daughter wiped off her hands and applied the medicine. It only helped enough to knock off the intense pain. I, on the other hand, had to wait until it wore off because neosporin is for topical use only. (I could have killed that kid) Before we knew what was happening, I start screaming “EEEEES, EEEES” and swatting like mad. BEES were every where. Not a swarm but enough to make me scream like a little girl. When I opened my eyes they were gone.

“Pobabe goin ta det the hibe!” I tell daughter.  

In my current state of pandemonium, I looked at my daughter and say as cool and as calm as I could, “Zets doe det da tedgger.”  I start up the hill with my hub’s and my backpack pulling a whining teenager by her shirt.  That was an extra 70 lb on a steep incline. Hub notices my discomfort but does nothing other than to tell me to drop the packs.  “NO!” I screeched with all the furiousness returning.  I reminded him the gun was in the pack and if that bear came back for his dinner we could be his dessert. I could just read it  now…”Geo Cachers killed by bear.  Their only protection in a pack AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL”  Here’s yer sign!


We finally made it up to the little treasure and put some bubbles and Neosporin back in for the next  victim player. As we start to leave, hubs says take a left. I head left.  Suddenly I was feeling all alone.   I looked up and found myself standing in the clearing all discombobulated, surrounded by bear poop and bones.  I then look behind me.  That is when I find Hubs and Daughter heading in the opposite direction.  With every step, they were laughing their heads off.  I gave one last look at my surroundings and for a brief moment imagined the  ‘EEES gone mad.”  returning.  I ran like crazy all the way back to the car.  EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!

 


I loved every MINUTE of it!!!  What a ‘tan tatic day’ Nettles and all.



Until next time, happy gaming everyone,

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aMusing Monday’s: Monkey Whisperer

I hesitated to write this entry because I have been told never write about politics, religion or grandkids.  Feel free to pass on this week’s story, if you would like.  I just had to blog about their visit……

They looked like two rag dolls when they crawled out of the back seat.  They’d been riding for two days and it showed.  They looked at me, raised a hand, walked to their bedroom and fell out on the bed.  They were hot, sweaty, and hungry.  I never got a hug from those grandbabies (7 and 8 years old) until they got a second wind.  Then all heck broke loose.  Lots of hugs, lots of kisses and one very important question,  where is Zooie, aka Lucy?  It almost broke their little hearts when I told of her passing.  GK1 loved that dog more than he loved people and that included me.  They would spend hours together just sitting on the couch.  It was tough for both him and me.

I wanted to take them Geo Caching but the forest was closed due to extreme fire danger, so I did the next best thing.  I wrote a story about a ghost knight, their aunt Cait wrote riddles to find the caches; Poppy and I hid stuff all over the neighborhood before they got here.

The knight was on a quest when something got him.  He asked the boys if they would complete his quest.  “Well, heck yeah!” they said.  I gave them a GPS and their first clue. I started up the old Speed Buggy (my tricked out golf cart) and turned them loose.  They loved following the coordinates to each destination.  They also loved the clues more than the treasures they were finding. In the end, they found a bag of army men to help in their quest, a full set of armor, a bow and arrow and a small but semi deadly –not really–sword.   They chatted with a trusty steed and found their reward of a treasure chest filled with nuggets of gold (chocolates) along with 20 crumpled up one dollar bills. My reward? Smiles from ear to ear!  Poppy enjoyed a few grins too.

When the quest was all said and done, I let each one of them do a little driving.  They did well with a relatively small learning curve.  The one problem they both had was turning the corners at a speed that would not leave a passenger or two along the road side.  We drove all day.  They were well on their way to becoming experts.  In fact, Gk1 was so comfortable with his driving skills he sit back relaxed and drove with only ONE hand.  This did not go unnoticed by Gk2.  Gk2 looked at me and asked,  “Doesn’t he look cool?”     He decided that brother was so good,  he could just do all the driving. GK2 had more important skills to work on – like turning this rolling cart into a jungle gym! Good lord, the little curtain climber was walking all over the sides and back of the buggy, all the while, his brother was keeping a steady pace.  Gk2 was so comfortable he was hanging off the edge with one hand. “Look MoMo, one hand!”  He started to get on the roof to fly.  I said no.  He wanted to walk on the bumper in the front of the cart.  I asked him what would happen if he fell off while we were rolling.  He thought for a minute and said, “hmm, I guess I would become a speed bump.”  That tickled me.  We rode until the sun started going down then headed home.  We were just about ready to turn the corner when all of a sudden Gk1’s driving foot got a little too heavy.  I heard a thud, gravel and an aaawwh!. I turned around just in time to see Gk2 in the gravel road spinning like a top on his belly.  Arms were stretched out far, like a cat heading for water and feet were flailing in the air… He spun twice.  I yelled stop.  He gets up without a tear.  I brought no attention to his scraps for fear of an all out melt down.  Bath time would reveal the boo boos and soap bubbles would take care of the rest.  After a few minutes of trying to keep his manhood intact, he crawls into the buggy.  We get to the driveway and he looks at me to say with a little quivering lip,  “Hey MoMo,  I have been told I am the Monkey Whisperer.”… The cart stopped at these words.  There was a few seconds of silence, then we all roared with laughter all the way up the driveway.  Just think, this was only day one.

aMusing Monday…..Oh My, Hurry Hurry Honey

One evening a couple of years ago, I was sitting in the living room watching TV. My husband was in the den fully engaged with something on the computer and my daughter was in her room doing homework, well that is what she was told to do. As I sat there watching TV, I heard a huge thud on the large picture window, which was right behind my head. My first thought was, ‘That was a huge bird.’ Then I thought it was a bat but it was the middle of winter no way would a bat be out now. I then settled on an owl. That had to be it. It was a big thunk certainly as big as a very large owl. I got up to satisfy my curiosity. And to administer any kind of help I could give to that poor, poor little creature.

I flipped on the porch light. I immediately noticed the porch was illuminated but the door area was dark. Dang maybe one of the lights burned out, no bother, for now my attention was on the little owl. I ran around the couch and over to the big window. I looked out but I didn’t see it. I looked and looked but nothing was out there. That seemed impossible to me. That owl hit that window so hard it made me think the glass could have shattered or it could have been knocked out. Maybe it was under the wicker couch on the porch….it had to be. While looking for the bird I saw that the light near the door had not burned out. It was as bright as the other two lights that were shining on the porch. Weird!

I decided to go on the porch and check under the couch. Not only was it cold, we still had snow on the ground. That little creature would freeze to death if left out there. I ran around the couch again to the door. All of a sudden I noticed the door was still dark. What the heck? I leaned back to view the picture window…. lights were on but yet the door was dark. My dogs were GOING crazy. I leaned into the beveled glass to try to see what the problem was. All I saw was my dog’s hair reflecting in the glass. I decided I would deal with the light issue as soon as I got the bird taken care of. I turned the lock on the door knob and preceded to open the door when all of a sudden this huge shadow moved and light started pouring in the front door’s beveled window. OMG what just happened? I left the door shut and ran to the front window again. And there it was! No, not a bat nor a bird not even an owl, it was a huge black BEAR!!!!!!!!!! And it wanted in my house! More precisely, it wanted me! I ran to the den shouting BEAR! BEAR! BEAR! my husband was still so involved working on the computer that he never even looked up….”okay” is all he said. UGH! I ran back to the porch window. The bear was now standing straight up and looking at me…ME! I screamed BEAR! BEAR! BEAR! and ran to get my daughter. She was all involved in her ‘homework’ which was really a computer game and her response was “okay mom in a minute”. I ran back to the window. I did not see it anywhere but I did noticed the door was dark again. I ran to it, all the while screaming BEAR BEAR BEAR THERE IS A BEAR ON THE PORCH. OH MY HURRY HURRY HONEY!…. no one responded. I checked out the beveled door’s window. OMG that was not the dog’s hair reflected in the glass. IT WAS THE BEAR’S HAIR AND HE IS TRYING TO TEAR THE DOOR DOWN! Now I am screaming so loud even my dogs can’t compete and they head for the bedroom with tails tucked. I look out the window again…bear is on the move…to the BACK YARD! I have a doggie door. It is not big enough for the “BEAR” to get in but its head or paw could get in. I run to get the dog door cover located behind my husband’s chair and slide it into place.

It was about then my hubby looks up and says, “What are you doing?” I scream “A BEAR, A BEAR IS TRYING TO GET IN THE HOUSE!” “What?”, he says with a dazed and confused look on his face. Then it hit him and he sprang into action. He ran to the front window and said, “There is no bear out there.” “DUH! I KNOW THAT!”, I said, “It went around the back!” He runs to the back and opens …..THE DOOR! He is nuts and I am not waiting to see what happens.  I run for the bedroom with the dogs. Along the way I pass my daughter in the hall and yell, “A BEAR!”. After what seems like at least 15 minutes all was calm when I came back out. There was no bear anywhere. I guess he went to our neighbors. Daughter was back in her room and hubby was back working on the computer. They were notimpressed.  And you know why?  Because they NEVER saw a THING!  The dogs were still traumatized and in hiding under the covers and I was left with an exciting memory of an owl, I mean “BEAR!”

Who knew that bears wake up early around here?

Oh! and the next morning I saw the big old paw print that he smacked the window with. It was at the same height as my head would have been sitting in the chair!!! Thank God for thick glass.

Until next time

Lifeisabowlofkibble

“Well behaved women rarely make history!”  Mae W.