Holy Toledo Don’t Move

If you follow me, you know that I have a few dogs.  Mutt is the biggest of all three and the biggest chicken of them all.  This scaredy cat syndrome she has leads to a lot of uncontrolled barking.  My neighbors hate it and so do we.  My husband had threatened for years to buy one of those shocking dog collars for barking, but I forbade it.  All I could imagine was the ‘youtube’ video where the dude had the collar on and he barked.  Each time he barked louder and each time he was shocked with more intensity.   The poor guy was crying uncontrollable by the time he got it off.  NO WAY WAS THAT HAPPENING TO MY BABY GIRL. PERIOD.

Mutt is totally afraid of everything and everyone.  If she sees white on the ground, she refuses to go out.  It does not help that she was clobbered by a 2 foot avalanche of snow off the roof one year.  When she sees anything out in the yard that has not been there all her life, she spazzes out especially if it is black.  In out, in out, barking for one of us to come see what is in her space.  Fall is the worst.  Leaves…do I need to say more?  She has a dog door but you can forget about her using it after sun down.  In the rare cases she has tried to brave the night, she has high tailed it right back in with eyes as wide as apples, hair ruffled on her back, and barking to beat the band.  Heck, half the time she is running so fast and out of control to get back inside she misses the dog door completely and smacks her head into the door facing.  She is definitely my 80 pound chicken little.

One day I came home from work.  Hub was avoiding eye contact.  I knew something was up right then.  He only does this when he has done something he knows I would not approve of.  I looked all over for evidence to support my suspicion.  I found nothing.  As I was fixing dinner, I noticed Hub was becoming more fidgety and shifty eyed.  Hmmmmm.  I served dinner and all were in attendance except Mutt.

MUTT.  I look at Hub. Not a word escaped his lips.   He had that deer in the head light look.   I got up and looked out the back door.  There was Mutt in the corner of the yard pressed against the fence.  She was just sitting there not doing anything.  I opened the door and called her in.  She came walking on her tip toes.  What the heck was going on?  I asked Hub if he had beaten my dog.  He looked at me as if I had asked him if he’d killed one of my kids.  “Of course not!” he said with disgust.  Mutt comes in with a mixture of calm and defeat.  I thought maybe she was sick.  I resumed eating.

It was not until later that night I realized she had not uttered a sound all evening.  She went out and came back in without incident.  What in the world was going on?  I called her over to the couch.  She jumped up and laid her head in my lap. And that is when I saw IT.  Hubs had gone and bought that shock collar!  I throw my evil eye upon him and he immediately started with his defense.

He pointed out the fact that we had not heard a peep out of her all night.  (evil eye).  He pointed out that she has calmed down to a normal dog’s energy. (slight evil eye).  And the most important thing was the collar seemed to have a calming affect on her that made her a bit braver and more confident.  (Are you kidding me?  Huge Evil Eye!).  He gave me a little cockeyed smile.  I went to take it off but he forbade me.  Oh boy, but I went along with it.  I was going to trash it as soon as he went to sleep.  However, something happened that night.  She did seem a bit more confident.  She went in and out the door with ease.  No barking and no frightened looks.  It was as if this collar was protecting her at all times.  I’m sure in her mind everything around her was getting shocked too and therefore nothing would dare move or grab her.  I did not throw it away.

Next morning, I asked him about her reaction to the collar.  He said she was barking her fool head off at something, probably a falling leaf.  He put the collar on and walked back inside.  She started to bark again and got a surprise!  It shocked her and he said she yelped.  She tried it one more time, yelped, then never barked again.  It broke my heart to hear this but she was being quiet and acting very content.

Over the years she has become friends with it.  She knows the collar gives her more freedom and willingly comes to you to put it on.  (we can let her out without fear of the neighbors complaining)   You can even ask her where it is and she will look around the room as if she is really looking for it.  She has figured out she can bark but only intermittently.  The collar gives her a couple of times before it shocks. Please don’t think of this as cruel the why I did at first.  We give her the bark time she need to be queen of the back yard and, at least for my dog, it has helped her and us so much.  Now to the reason I started this story.

Jeff, our Pomeranian, has a vocabulary of about a billion barks. He loves to continually show off his aptitude.  Today was an extremely vocal day for Jeff and Hub had reached his limit.  He snatched the collar off Mutt.  She gave him a surprised look.  He then proceeded to adjust the size to fit Jeff.  No! No! I yelled. Mutt started walking in circles.  I kept telling Hub he was too little.  It would hurt him.  But Hub continued with his mission.  Before you knew it, Jeff was sporting a new shocking device around his tiny little neck.

I was freaking out.  Hub started laughing and I looked at him with contempt only to see him pointing at Mutt.  Mutt was sitting on the couch reared back with the whites of her eyes showing.   She and Jeff had locked gazes.   Her ears were lying down and she was so still she was not even breathing.  It looked as if she were telepathically warning Jeff not to make a sound or make a move.  And Jeff obeyed her every telepathic thought.  He stood there frozen stiff.  It was as if she had told him all about that collar.  He never made a peep.  And she never took her googly eyes off of him.  After a few minutes of laughter, from both of us, Hub felt sorry for him because he told me to take it off.  I did and off he went out the dog door to educate the backyard critters with his verbal skills. All I can say is I sure am glad the boy knows how to keep his mouth shut when it counts.

***********************************

Until next time remember this: When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person, err, dog who can live in peace with others.

The Power or My funny “friend” part 2

Last Monday was a part one and here, as promised, is the rest of the story.

It is a little past 12:00 p.m and around two weeks later. All the electricity it OUT, my husband would prefer that I not write about him again so I will tell you what happened when “my friend” came home.

I greeted my bestie at the garage door, which I had to manually open. He calls out, with the enthusiasm of a 9 year old. “What is wrong?” “The electricity out?” “Yes”, I said.

Here we go…..

Google image

He walks into the garage as quick as knee high snow will let him. He immediately goes to the back porch. For a little while, I hear nothing, nothing at all. The door swings open… There he stands and in his hand is a key and the answers to all our problems, he proudly announced. I swear there were beams of light projecting from somewhere in the background. He looked bigger than life right then. Maybe it was the way he was holding himself

Google image

chest out, head up, and chin straight or it could have been the sun setting behind him. In his hand, a little orange box attached to this long cord, which had been pulled in through the doggie door. (Dogs were looking a little suspicious at him) He sits it up on the kitchen island and with great satisfaction… he turns that key he was holding. This thing has a key to start it remotely!! I might need to get my friend to teach me how to use it. It starts up pretty as you please. He, my friend, smiles. Scurry, scurry all over the place pulling extension cord from everywhere. He starts plugging in the electronics. (notice his level of priority) TV – check, internet, router, and computers – check, refrigerator – check, by the way, he listens this time to make sure it is really off then turns and looks at me. I am standing there, apparently and without my knowledge, with a huge sheepish grin on my face. I’m taking it all in. I don’t want to miss a thing. In my mind, I’m writing this story as we go. He gets this serious look on his face and tells me I can not write about any of this. People in town are waving at him that he doesn’t even know and he attributes the friendly nature of folks to my FaceBook notes. Boy, he sure does give me a lot of credit. 😉

I open the refrigerator door and NOTHING! It was not working.

“It’s NOT WORKING” he says with disbelief and a slight panic in his voice. “I told you we should have tested this damn thing out before we really needed it”, my friend says. Unbelievably, he is directing that shout out at me. It could be because I told him I did not want to fool with all the cords and the hassle of moving things here and there when he first got it. It could be because I told him just to leave it until we really needed it, but who really knows why he would take such a tone. -grins-

google image

TV – does not work, internet and router not working. What the……? With a bewildered look on his face, heels dug in and tongue stuck out his mouth, for concentration, he sets to work on the problem. In and out, in and out of the house then a few minutes later, da, da, dah, everything is working. He calls me into the kitchen to receive a general lesson. “You have to make sure all the plugs are in tight”, he tell me. “And see this one, this one you have to turn it a half a turn to the right.” (Big Grin) He is really trying very hard to not show how exhilarated he is. He’s convinced I am going to write about this anyway. He’d be right.

Now we are sitting in the living room. My best friend is feeling quite pleased with himself. Then he looks at me, I could see the excitement building. He asked, “Do you think I should go plow the drive now?” All the while, the snow is being poured out of the sky by the bucket loads.
Thus, is a day in the life of my snow happy husband “friend” deep in the Sacramento Mountains.

All kidding aside, I love it when he is happy. He is my hero, my “friend”.

The Power or Oh Goody, Oh Goody… part 1

 This is the story that started everything, as in my blog.  I put it on Facebook back in Jan. 2010 and it was a hit.  I think it did so well because everyone on my Facebook knows  Hubs.  This showed him in a different light.  All my friends are familiar with the public man.Public man is a burly man, a man of very few words, a man who would never want any one to see the human side of him.  He is also a man that has sworn me to never write about him again.   So everyone needs to keep this one on the QT.

Hubs has been waiting on this day since Christmas morning. He was practically giddy with excitement. Did we win the lottery, a new truck in the drive or, please no, not another huge snow? It was none of the above.  Hubs was walking in and out of the house with an excitement that I have rarely heard, more like never heard.   I laid there listening. Soon he popped his head in the bedroom and reports, “The electricity is OUT!”, with the biggest Cheshire  grin that I have ever seen on his face.

To most folks me included, this is horrid no water, lights, and spoiled food; to my husband, it is music to his ears. After years of dealing with power outages, his father gave him a generator for Christmas. It was like opening his present all over again. He finally got to fill it with gas, start it and hooked it up. He kept telling me that the generator could run the whole house. I said no way. But he insisted it could.

As I laid there in bed listening, I heard it start. It was a smooth start, sort of like a Honda motorcycle. I could hear him going in and out of the house all excited and getting everything ready to be hooked up. He was just having way to much fun. To my surprise, the ceiling fan in my bedroom came on! I was shocked. He was right! This was one time I was happy to be wrong. No more nights without lights or sounds of the TV. This is a good thing. I got up to go check it out. The pure delight on his face was worth getting up to see.

As I am watching him plug the refrigerator into one of the extension cords, it hits me, how could the fans in the bedrooms be working when he is pulling extension cords in the house? He did not plug in the generator to the house at all. THE POWER had come back on without our knowledge. Oh no, how should I point this out? I just watched him plugging stuff in. All the while, a giant grin plastered on his face. Finally I ask him, how could the fans be working in the back of the house if we are using extension cords for power?

The gleam in his eyes and the smile on his face…..gone. “You mean we have power?”, he asked.” I thought I heard the frige running when I unplugged it. But I was not sure.” He, slowly, turned the generator off and returned all plugs to their rightful sockets. With his excitement faded and the reality of a day of delivering mail, in the snow without me, he kisses me good bye and says, “Have a good day off.”

Oh well, at least we know it starts!

 

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree

This is to be sung to the tune….O Christmas tree.  For your convenience, I have included a link to the instrumentals  of O Christmas Tree.  As you will see, a couple of words must be said fast in order to fit the song.  😉

********************************************************************************************************************************

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

The forest we walked looking for a tree. Warning forest is larger than appears in picture.

We started looking around noon.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

We started looking around noon.

We’ve walked 7  miles  down three canyons.

My knees are weak and so is companion’s.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree;

We started looking, around noon.

*********************************************************************************************************************************

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

image is from tpwd.state.tx.us

The sun is setting it’s dark soon.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

The sun is setting it’s dark soon.

I’m hearing wild coyo-otes.

He needs to pick one soon please!

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

The sun is setting it’s dark soon.

********************************************************************************************************************************

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Hubs violently chopping a baby tree with a tinny tiny ax

He is chopping you down now

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

He is chopping you down now.

He whacked and whacked, until you cracked

I saw you crying pine extract.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

He is chopping you down now.

*********************************************************************************************************************************

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

7 miles, 3 canyons, one large size Charlie Brown Tree we are ready for home.

Our Charlie Brown Tree you will be.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Our Charlie Brown  Tree you will be.

Your skimpy branches and crooked trunk

Makes me wish  that I was drunk.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Our Charlie Brown Tree you will be.

 

 

Meet the large Charlie Brown Tree

 

 

 

*******************************************************************************************************************************

If you are wondering, WHY did she put this to music?  Ask The Hobbler.  SHE IS THE REASON.  I can get her songs out of my head.  It started with Rain Gear and it has not stopped yet.  Check it out she is in a league of her own.

Whacked out Wednesdays: Legs,,,Long Long Legs

Main characters D – Daughter, M – Me, H – Hubs

D – “Mom?”

M – “Yes”

D – “Did you see the message someone left on your phone?”

M – “You mean the screen saver that said, Good Morning I see the assassins have failed. Yes, I saw it and it sort of freaked me out. That is until I remembered seeing you pick up my phone as I was going to bed. Shame on you.”

D – Uncontrollable laughter

M- “Listen, you need to get your bath earlier tonight cause I am going to take a nice steamy bubble bath and I need all the water I can get. It is going to be a to the top jacuzzi night for me. And I want no interruptions for ANYONE.”

D- “K”

40 minutes later the shower running.

Ten minutes later, I see Daughter walking like a drenched zombi down the hall. Totally naked with dripping hair, soap on half of her body and glazed over eyes the size of silver dollars.

My immediate reaction was a horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach. I jumped up and ran to her to see what was going on.

M – ” Oh my god, what? What is it”

Her hands were trembling.

D – silent

M – ” DAUGHTER! what is wrong?”

D – (wee little voice) ” I.. I ..I ..I saw it.”

M- “What? Saw what?”

I ran to the bathroom and searched behind the door, out the window and in the hamper. Nothing. I turned off the water and ran back to her. Daughter now on the floor shaking uncontrollably.

M – WHAT?

I am now starting to get mad as all get out. I want answers.

D – ” I was siting in the shower shaving my legs. Something out of place caught my eye. I looked down and….and…

M – WHAT? WHAT?

D – That glazed eye look again.

M – “Honey what was it?” (softer now trying to reach her)

D – “Mom it was legs, hairy hairy legs.”

What the hell?

M – “Your legs?”

D – “NO! I saw hairy legs poking out of the holes of the drain cover. I kept watching and then two more legs crept out with a body attached!”

uncontrollable shaking, teeth chattering —-(oh that was me). Daughter was numb and still.

M – “WHAT?”

D – “Mom, a spider came out of the drain and it is still in the tub…..get it out!, Get It Out!,GET IT OUT NOW.”

M – “Okay, Okay, geez scare me to death next time won’t ya?”

Daughter has had a life long fear of spiders. She stopped taking baths because spiders would fall down on her in the water or they would hide in the jets of the tub. She would turn on the jets and out would come spiders trying to cling to her for dear life. She would be screaming her face off and scrambling to get out of the soapy tub. Not good.

I grabbed a paper towel to remove it. I don’t believe in killing anything unless I have to. Boys that bring my daughter home too late would be a have to.

M – “Okay where is this humongous spider? Daughter, I can’t find it.”

D – “Look at the drain cover or under the seat.”

M – “Why in the world can’t you just get over your fear of spiders. I swear when I was your age I was scared too but I willed myself to not be afraid of them. I am not always going to be here to remove spiders for you. Listen little girl you better learn how to put your big girl panties on and deal wit…..”

heart racing, eyes bugging, going to faint! (that would be me again)

D – “Mom?”

M- silent

D – “MOM?”

M – “Daughter call your dad. Call your dad NOW.”

D – “Dad, DAD, DAD, DAD!”

H – “What the hell is going on in here? You people are making so much noise I can’t hear the TV. Why are you behind the door and in the floor? Why are your eyes so big? Why are you shaking? What is going on?”

M – points to the tub

D – points to the tub

H – DAMN!

A Wolf Spider and Yes it is as big as your screen. It would fit from finger tip to end easily. How in the world did it crawl of of the drain cover?

H – squishes it

H- “Gross” (walks away)

D – Gag, gag (audible)

M – woozy and still on floor

D- “I am going to rinse off in your shower come with me.”

M- walks behind Daughter in a bit of a dazed.

D- “Thanks mom” (Daughter disappears)

I am thinking now would be a great time for a bath. And a glass of wine.

I run the water all the way to the top. Get in. Relax. Wonderful hot steamy water to soak away the tension of the day. All I needed was bubbles. I turned on the jets and poured in the soap.

M – (Scream! Scream, Scream)

D – “Mom what’s wrong, what is it? Let me in!”

open the door. Daughter walks in.

D – “See I told you. That is why I don’t take baths any more.”

Six surfing Wolf Spiders clinging to me for dear life.

(Lawd, where is that bottle?)

I read whatimeant2say the other morning and it reminded me of our encounter. I thought I would share both of our stories.

Happy Thanksgiving All

aMusing Mondays: This Ain’t Yo Mama’s Dance

I write for the webcam in our little village.  This story was one I wrote back in the peak of our dry season and posted for the webcam blog.  Originally, it was called The Dance but I thought I would shake it up a bit with a different title.

I can not tell you how long it has been since we have had rain. Days would be an understatement it is more like nine months. I remember a few years ago, back around 2006, we had a pretty good dry spell too. A handful of us gals decided to try a rain dance. We had a designated time, we decided to do it in our own back yards and…. we were  to do it naked!.

WHY???

I don’t know but that was the deal. You had to follow these decisions to the T or, as I was told, “To the T or don’t do the dance at all.”  We were convinced it would only work if we all did it and followed the criteria to the letter. The dance was not choreographed nor rehearsed. You might say we decided  to do an interpretative dance. I remember thinking, “What the heck am I DOING?”, while I was stomping my feet and throwing my hands in the air.  My normally covered places were now exposed and wiggling in the wind.  My arms were waving and I was chanting, “Come on, come on and make it rain!”, over and over and over again. I felt so foolish.   My dogs thought I had lost my mind but they liked it. They were running in circles chasing each other in the dark of night and barking up a storm. Thank goodness my neighbors were gone. The whole time I was wondering if everybody else was doing it or if any moment they were going to jump out and punk me. The one thing we did not decide was how long we were to do this naked rain dance. After what felt like LONG ENOUGH, I grabbed my robe and ran inside, dogs in tow. A few days later the rain came. It rained and rained. It rained so much that parts of the mountain flooded. In fact, I had a rather large river running through my front yard even parts of the highway had to be closed because of the run off. It was strange to say the least. That following winter was a good snowy winter as well. I would have to say that the nude rain danced worked.

Now here we are again. No rain in sight and nothing on the radar. One of the original organizers called the other night and stated we need another rain dance. Same rules as last time…and to be followed to the T or it just won’t work. Last night at 9:00 p.m. I tipped toed out the back door. My dogs were not invited this year because my neighbors were here most of the week and I was not sure if they had left yet. I preferred no one witness this crazy woman trying to do her part for all her forest neighbors. Nine o’clock struck and I began to dance as before. Right as I started, I heard an eerie  noise creep up behind me. I could not see a thing because my eyes had not had a chance to adjust to the moonless night.  All I could think of was a coyote or bear or some other kind of wild animal breathing on my bare legs! That crazy thought soon became a reality.  Not only could I feel it, I could hear its steady breathe…in out…in out.   I stood there frozen, naked and night blinded.  I gave myself a minute to adjust to the darkness then slowly turned around.

MY DOGS!

My dogs had slipped out through the dog door and were waiting for their dance invitation, which I was happy to give after I made sure my neighbors were gone. Those little happy brown eyes and wagging tails were just so cute I just could not refuse them. We started slowly then worked our way up to a full-fledged rain dance! The dogs were in heaven running in circles and barking. We were having a pretty good time. It felt oddly freeing and if it paid off like last time very rewarding. I felt no embarrassment in the cloak of darkness and no one else was around… until look up to see Hubs shadow moving toward the window. Oh no, he is going to think I have lost my mind, again. He knew that us girls were going to do a rain dance but he had no idea that we were doing it naked. In all our dancing fun, the dogs and I had worked our way up the hill and out further in the field than I had planned. I had not noticed that until I had to race for my robe by the door. I had to get to it before he turned ON the Porch Light! I believe my dogs thought this was a race to end all races. Mutt must have felt I was winning because she moved her body right in front of mine and over I went like a slinky down the stairs, or in my case down the hill.  Ouch! I had to have rolled and bounced because I was on my feet in a split second and in full stride.  Thank God for padded cabooses.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Finally I get to my robe, compose myself, pulled the sticks out of my hair and walked in as if nothing happened. When I walked in, Hubs asked, “Did you do your dance at 9:00?” “Yes”, I said then went to wash my wounds. While tending to my skint knees, I ‘decided’ if called upon next year I will  pass on the dance. I think I better leave that to the younger braver ones.  I just hope that this year’s effort will bring the rain again.

Until next time

update: 1 week after our dance it RAINED.

aMusing Mondays: Taste Like Chicken

In 2005 Hubs, The Daughter, Son2 and three dogs moved into our family built home. At first, we had construction ground. Ya know, dirt, grass, dirt, grass, bump, tree, dirt, grass, etc. My father in law did all the excavating and to his credit he left more grass than dirt. This lead to a full grass lawn within a year. And that is when it all began.

One afternoon Hubs and I were cutting the grass. Every time I got off the mower, I would fall into a hole. These holes would always have an underground tunnel attached to them which was evident from the turned up dirt on top of the ground. Some of the holes were small and some, like the ones I kept falling in, were huge. I could not figure out what type of animal would make both large and small holes. Finally, I decided it had to be moles. Being from the south, that was a critter I was familiar with. However, these trails were so much longer and wider than what I had been accustomed to. I hike a lot around my neighborhood and I would spot thousands of tiny holes with underground trails attached to them. DANG! We were infested. When I hike I almost always take my dogs, Mutt, Jeff and Lucy. They love to go any place outside and I like their awareness, it keeps me on my toes.

This particular day I was trying to get home before the rain started. I was hootin’ and hollerin’ for the dogs to keep up. As I got to our driveway, I looked around for the them. They were no where to be found. Lucy was my oldest, at 17 pounds she was one of the smallest, and the love of my life. We were perfectly in sync with each other so for her to not be at my side was unusual. There had been some sightings of mountain lions close to our neighborhood and I was not about to lose one or both of my dogs like that. I had to back track. They were not on the road so that meant getting back in to the woods. I followed my footsteps back until I spotted them, well one of them. As I turned the bend, I noticed Lucy jumping up and down into the air then she would dart back and forth like an out of control wind up toy. I could see her stop and run back over to the other dog, Mutt, and soon after it would start all over again. I had never seen either of my dogs act like this before so to say I approached cautiously would be an accurate statement. As I got closer, I saw my Lucy covered in dirt. I’m not talking ’bout a little dirt; I’m talking dirt stuck to her wet nose, in her runny allergy eyes, in her ears and all over her body. It was stuck to and in every cavity she had. Then I saw why she was in such a state. My big dog, 70 pound Mutt, was digging in the dirt like a high speed auger. Dirt was flying as far as four feet back and at least 2 feet high. I watched them for a while to try to figure out what they were after. I would notice that every time Mutt would tire the little one, Lucy, would run to the big hole and start sniffing. It was not one of those dainty sniff, sniff, kind of sniffs. It was the kind that you would see on the cartoons. Ya’ know, the animal would sniff the hole so hard it would suck up everything under the ground into its nose. Hence, all the dirt on her nose, which was now caked so thick that she’d lost her nostrils. As soon as they saw me, they went into a frenzy. Mutt jumped up and started digging like the wind with an occasional pause to see if I were watching her. Lucy was running after the dirt trying to catch it in mid-air. Then all of a sudden I saw some kind of critter fly by as if it had been shot out of a cannon. Lucy was all ready in flight when she caught it. Then she ran like the devil under a bush. Big dog, Mutt, had no idea that Lucy had claimed the prize and was off enjoying the fruits of Mutt’s labor. Mutt was still digging, digging and Lucy was munching, munching. It was not long before Mutt stopped to smell the hole. Immediately her head pops UP and she looks around for Lucy. She knew she had been duped. She starts running in circles trying to find her. Soon they were both in the bushes. Out they came, Lucy was caring what looked like a big ole’ fat tailless rat with Mutt hot on her paws. I made her stop and drop. UGH! A half eaten something. It looked like a grayish, stubby tailed ratlike-thingy. I gave Lucy the go ahead and by the time we got home she had eaten it all. Poor Mutt couldn’t do a thing but watch all of her hard work go down Lucy’s throat. Lucy was looking at Mutt, with those cute twinkly eyes, as if to say, “Tastes like chicken.”

After I got home, I asked Hubs what the heck it was. He called it a Vole. It turns out these critters eat tree roots. They leave hundreds, if not thousands, of holes and trails all through your yard. It is suggested that a trap be used to catch them. Or you can use poison….UGH! Or you can do like me and turn your dogs on them. No yucky traps to empty, no killing of innocent critters with the poison, just good old fun for your dogs. You may even experience a decrease in your pet food budget. Of course, there is that little “large holes to fall into” problem. But hey, the dogs are happy.

A sad note: Kazooie, aka Lucy, died November 20, 2010. It is a hard thing to lose one’s shadow. I still love, remember, and miss her antics. The best dog I ever had. I love you sweet baby girl.

Fundamental Fridays: Everybody Dies Famous In A Small Town

 

I know I am late Sorry. 😉

 

I love living in a small town but sometimes I just want to escape.  Like when the cattle trucks come through our little village and stop at the gas station across the street from me.  It does not take long for the cows to start mooing.  They are calling out to me.  They know I’m here and they can feel my pity for them.  They are mooing my name Ruuuuuuth, Ruuuuuuuth over and over again.  They sound so scared, pitiful  and helpless. Don’t get me wrong I am a steak eater but I am an animal lover more, especially to the ones that know my name.  On more than one occasion I have thought about sneaking over there and unlatching the door.  I would shout be free, run free, get the heck out of that truck don’t you know what is coming?  I have gone as far as to walk outside to get a better look see and strategize my plans.

Some ideas are….

1.  Wait until the driver goes inside to get his cup of coffee then creep over to the truck and open the door. Then run like heck back to the store where I work.  I could fake it when the local PoPo ask me if I saw anything.  I could tell them  a band of very tiny forest people  stood on one another shoulders to release the bovine.  Then I would have my friends claim I was insane and I don’t know what I was talking about much less where I am at.

2.  Wait until the driver goes to get his coffee and a burrito then race over like The Flash and blow the lock with c4.  Okay you got me I have no idea what c4 is other than it is an explosive they have used on NCIS.  More than likely I would blow up the cows and that would defeat my purpose.  But what a heck of a steak and shake party that would be. What am I saying?

3.  Wait until the driver goes in to get his cup of coffee, burrito and uses the bathroom.  Run over pick the lock then one at a time guide each cow into one of my storage units that are right next door to the gas station.  Of the ones that can’t fit, I could tie them up in peoples yards.  I can put straw hats and spots on them to make them look like yard art.

4.  Wait until the driver goes into get his cup of coffee, burrito, uses the bathroom and flirt with the little ladies that work there.  Unhitch the trailer and hook it to my truck.  Haul them off to a undisclosed field where they can be happy and roam the country side  never more to worry.

The only thing that stops me is the thought of having to face Hubs.  Oh and I guess my friends might have a few words to say like :”ARE YOU CRAZY?” and “I just don’t know who you are anymore!”  The Daughter would hang her head in shame. I would get a reputation of being a cow hugger (that I would not mind).  Do they still hang people for cattle rustling?

I think I will just invest in a great pair of ear plugs.  I can pop them in as soon as I hear/smell the truck coming.  All I know is that I have to do something or one day you all will be seeing a headline about a crazed woman that reads, “Who let the cows out? WHO WHO WHO WHO?”

 

Now this story may or may not have been amusing but if truth be known…I REALLY DO WANT TO LET THE COWS OUT.