Weekly Photo Challenge: Self-Portrait

This week’s photo challenge was a tough one.  I thought it was only tough for me until I read the island traveler‘s post.  I felt the same way as he did.  And up until I read his, I was going to pretend that I missed this weeks challenge.  I started thinking how do I see me?  What is my perception of myself?  How do others see me?  I came up with this.

Frequently, I am pressed for time.  I feel like I have the whole weight of the world on my shoulders.  It feels compressing and at times devastating.  I feel small compared to the way I was in my youth.  I feel squished between family and responsibilities.

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Sometimes I can set my mind to regroup and start to force life into perspective.  It feels like the gathering of pieces.  A calling to arms to fight the never-ending battles of life.  I pull from all angles tugging, and pasting little squares together.   Don’t get me wrong I am not depressed rather I am the leader of this little dysfunctional group.  Not by choice but by default.  I do not mind this position but it is stressful and most of the time un-rewarding.  However, I love each and every person in my life and that is why I fight so hard to hold us all together.

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After a while, things start to assemble its self.  It begins to happily percolate along.  The pieces are just about aligned and life is beginning to get easier .  The stress and hard work is paying off.  That is until you wake up one morning and the car will not start, son calls needing a small loan, the grands are crying wanting you to come see them, daughter is questioning which college to go to, someone you love is very sick or one of your neighbors has passed in their sleep, the dogs are battles their own little wars, IRS is knocking on your door and hubs, well, Hubs is Hubs.

Life goes on.  Good times or bad.  It will never change it will only continue.   I tell myself we all feel squished at times.  We all try to force the pieces of our life back together and no matter how hard we work at fixing every thing and everybody, life will always find a way to right its self.  Of course before you know it, it will then screw up again.  This is the cycle of living.  This is what makes us strong.  This is what gives us hope and the strength to keep fighting the good fight.  The knowing of life’s circle can help us cope and if we are lucky we can find the humor that Gods leaves us to discover.  I think he only ask us to look for it with wide eyes and open heart.

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My goal, my self-portrait in life is to try with all I have to keep the peace, to bring comfort to others, to be kind and loving to both family and friends,  To realized I am not perfect.  To know without a shadow of a doubt I am going to screw up.  I am going to get angry at times.  I am going to cry and wonder why.  I am going to have loved and lost.  I am going to be okay and feel happy in my own skin because I am mom, MoMo, sister, aunt, daughter, wife.  I am a person of attitude both smart ass and sternness.  I am comforter and understanding.  I am eyes wide open and of giving heart. I am both lover of life and God.   I am  me.

Wow, that was sort of therapeutic!  Thank you island traveler for the push I needed.

Advice from a Waterfall