aMusing Mondays: Mrytle May (Homely and White)

I detailed my car for Hub’s birthday today. Technically, his bday is in three days.  I also bought myself two bright, hot pink shag seat covers with a matching steering wheel wrap- hubba, hubba.   I guess it’s been ….well, never since I’ve washed down the inside.  I have vacuumed the inside and washed the outside, but I’ve never bathed the interior..  And technically… I didn’t do the washing – the carwash did.  My SUV is a hard working, hard hauling 2004 vehicle that gets its oil changed about every 3000 miles and not a ding or scratch on her .  But for some reason I have never washed it down, until today.

On the surface it was bad, underneath it was so much more gosh awful worse.   Besides the regular car stuff- shoes (forgot they were there), socks (I always keep some in the car for cold feet), a lost military ID (big deal! That photo looked like a mug shot. All I needed were numbers under my chin to complete the look), scissors (to cut the seatbelt off in case of an accident; listen, everybody should keep scissors in their car. You never know when a deer will come flying through the windshield!), tape measure (to make sure whatever I find while junking will fit in the back), first aid kit (I haul kids, need I say more?), paper bags for puke (like I said, I haul kids and dogs on winding mountain roads)  hiking backpack (cause you just never know when that next cache is going to pop up),  canned goods and a can opener…(What? Don’t you keep food in your car in case you get stuck in the snow? I know it’s not winter yet, I just like to be prepared) and under tons of dog hair, wrappers of all kinds, and various papers was ucky gunk.  Yep, there it was. Ugh!  I remember why I don’t do this kinda’ stuff. Gross? Nope, nope I need stronger word!  Something like disgusting, offensive, awful, beastly, dirty, disagreeable, fierce, filthy, foul, grubby, hellish, icky, yea something like that. 

I grabbed the Simply Green to try and make a dent in all the dirt and gunk.  To my surprise it worked, and worked well! Gobs of sticky little balls were attached to the paper towels, gag! Even typing about it now, makes me want to grab one of those barf bags, I so lovingly carry for my passengers.  I thought for sure I was going to have to drive it into a lake for a good soakin’ before any of this stuff would turn loose.  The cleaner didn’t even leave a residue.   Everything was shining and my seats were now glowing in hot pink!  She was looking awesome.  Heck, I bought a Christmas chandelier ornament for our tree this year and hung it on the rear view mirror; but that was a little gaudy. What am I saying?  It was way to gaudy even for me.  It now hangs off the pull knob of my kitchen cabinet.  What? I like looking at shiny and blingy stuff.  And it is only going to hang there for… the next month and 10 days give or take a day or two. That is when my Christmas tree goes up.  Another month on the tree then into the box it goes until next year. Hmmmm or will it?  What a minute, I am off topic back to Myrtle Mae. 

 Myrtle Mae, as I have so lovingly called my homely white car for years, now looks like a big fat, girlie pink and white rocket flying down the road.   See shines so beautifully in the month of October.  It is a fitting tribute to cancer awareness month. I believe Myrtle Mae is in need of a new name, to reflect her shocking pink personality.   It’s like, she knows something is different.  She drives smoother, she has more pep, and she even dodges and weaves with the steering precision of a Fiat, around all the highway obstacles (dead critters, deer and elk).  I need new name ideas people, PLEASE.

Hub says he’s never riding anywhere else with me again (because of the pink seats- not because of the wonderful work I did for me on his almost birthday).  Daughter said she will ride in the back, hidden behind the anonymity of darkly tinted windows from now on.   I love my brightly colored, clean as a whistle, pink cotton candy SUV.

…OKAY, the guilt is getting to me.  I will detail Hub’s work truck tomorrow.  And knowing how much he absolutely loves my pink seats, I may leave him a little birthday present that he will absolutely fall into pink love with.  I will tell him it’s green. And unless someone tells him it is pink he’ll never know what the true color is… He’s colorblind!

Until next time,

Save the tata’s, yaw.  October is breast cancer awareness month  be a friend reach out and touch someone.






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Whacked out Wednesday: Been a Bad Bad Day

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
William Walsh

I read this today.  It gave me pause and an audible hmm.  I thought it was quite ironic because the first thing that hit me this morning was a sore throat, then cold shower,  hair  NOT making nice was quick to follow.  I ran out of makeup on the left side of my face, could not find my bra, and NO sugar for my coffee.  I get to work only to find that IRS has sent me a nasty little notice.  I mean really people, have they not anything better to do?  I ordered a sandwich for breakfast.  About half way through, I discovered mold!  Ah yes the joys of imperfections!!!!!!!!! NOT!  However,  I turned my effort on and switch to a new channel  to try to  “look beyond”.

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
William Walsh

Salt water gargle and 4 Motrin later … sore throat gone.

Cold water shower…..did not even get in.  A wash rag and deodorant.  I truly feel sorry for the people I stand near today, but there was just no amount of looking beyond for this one. Temp this morning was 49 degrees.

Hair not making nice….  Brushed it backward, hair sprayed all the wiry parts down.  (hard as a helmet)  Haaaa Haaaa, I am still laughing at that person staring back at me in the mirror.  Thank goodness I am old, otherwise, I would seriously care and have to called in sick.

Makeup…. Who needs stinking makeup.  ME! (I said old, not dead!) I decided to keep the one sided made up face and only approach people from the right.  Goofy?  Yes, but I just keep reminding myself,  “happiness is not having perfection it is looking bey….,  yeah right.  But I am keeping the one side approach anyway and keep on moving on.

Bra….. This, my friends, is the saddest of all sit-chu-ta-shions.  Oh yes, this one almost made me crawl right back in to bed.  Have I said I am old?  Why yes, I think I have mentioned it a time or two.  Ladies, we all know what happens as we age.  Traveling south becomes a way of life, a direction that we fight like a dirty cat to water.  But no matter how far we stretch our arms out to catch the proverbial sides of the bathroom entrance, we eventually arrive kicking and screaming the whole way…….. south ………with Santa.  HA.  Nope, he is North with the Nip and Tuck group.  However, I throw on a hot but large sweat shirt this morning, which helped to complete the total package.  Picture- summer time, runny nose, helmet head, commercial for wrinkle free make up on one side only, boobies down to the naval (okay, beyond..whatever) , sweatshirt old lady.  Yep, that is right, I am the rather nasty visual I just implanted in your head.  UGH!

No sugar – none for my coffee and none from my hubs who just saw the same visual as you did, but in the flesh.  UGH, UGH.  He hands me a packet of hot chocolate mix and a can of cool whip to doctor the coffee with and promptly leaves without a word.  Not bad, on both his actions.

IRS- hmmmmmm, this one may prove to be the toughest of all to “look beyond”.  I am tackling this one head on.

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
William Walsh

Breakfast sandwich, breakfast sandwich, I am starving.  I have had a bad start and you, you just added the cherrr.., nope, the mold on top.    “look beyond the imperfections”  hmmm.  I dismantled and removed everything that was left, through the moldy English Muffin part away and ate the remaining bacon and egg.

Hey, none of that UUUUUUGGGGHH from you.  This is my morning and I am looking beyond.

 

aMusing Mondays – Wishy Washy

A while back my washing machine started making funny noises.  It would cough, crawl and leave little wee wee spots all over the floor.  Mutt would head straight out the doggie door as soon as she saw me with the clothes basket.    This kind of stuff freaked her out.  Well, I didn’t need a crystal ball to tell me a new bill was in my future.  I decided to go all out.  I got a brand spanking new front end loader with, get this, the matching dryer.  Kelly Rippa would be proud of me.  I too can come home from a long days work, strip, throw the “worn all day” clothes in the dryer’s REFRESH cycle and out they come smelling clean just as her commercial promises.

Mutt was so excited to see them pull out the old machine and very curious as to what was coming in.  It took 4 guys to get them in and set them up.  Apparently, the washer has 800 pounds of weight attached to the bottom.  Delivery dude said it’s needed to keep the machine from doing cartwheels while in the spin cycle. Hmm.   As soon as they left, I grabbed the clothes basket and out the door went Mutt.  I turned it on and saw that it would take TWO hours to wash!  What is that all about?  How can this be energy efficient?  My old rock and roll washer only took about 25 minutes to wash anything.  I sat and watched it for a minute then came to the conclusion it was saving on water, not electricity.

After a while, I noticed Mutt was no where to be seen.  I went to call her at the back door and caught a glimpse of her in the laundry room.  She was sitting in front of the washer watching the clothes through the front door window.      She was mesmerized, in a trance of some sort.  Soon it kicked into spin.  She stood up with her back  hackled.  She was ready to bolt.  Her head was just a-weaving back and forth.  It started making a whistling sound as it hit full spin and that was all it took.  She high tailed it out the dog door then turned to announce her disappointment!  She must have barked for 10 minutes.  Eventually, she crept back in slowly and quietly, as if the washer could hear her walk. Tippy-toeing back to the laundry room, she quickly peeked in several times.  After her curiosity was satisfied, she took a seat and waited for the next show.

The other day at work one of our vendors came in with a few goodies in his truck.     He tells me his hummingbird feeder bottle brushes are perfect for cleaning out the lint vent of your dryer.  Well, I’ll be dang. I thought this was a marvelous idea and took one home to try it.  I could not wait to see how it worked.  I pulled the filter out and stuck the brush in, swished it side-to-side then pulled it out.  It looked like a fuzzy hamster had attached its self to the end of the stick.    I looked down the hole and found even more lint.  I poked it way down in there again, then without warning… Swoosh!  It was gone.  It was as if something just jerked it out of my hand and sucked it down to oblivion!  Mutt was mildly entertained by my reaction.  I know I should have panicked or at least worried really hard but all I could do was laugh.  The more I studied my situation the harder I giggled.  Every time I took a breath, Mutt’s tail started wagging uncontrollably.  We were having a moment of laughter together.  It was awesome.  Finally, I regained my composure and came to the conclusion it could not stay down there.

A screwdriver was in order.  After a brief search, we- Mutt and I- were ready to tackle this problem.  I started unscrewing every screw I could find.  The filter housing would not budge.  After talking it   over with Mutt,  (see photo) I decided the answer to my problem lied within.    I poked my head in the dryer’s opening and proceeded to unscrew all the screws I could find.  I still could not get it to come out.   “DANG IT”, I yelled and at this, Mutt was all about finding out what was happening.  She struggled to poke her head in too.  I started laughing again and I could feel her whole body swaying back and forth….we laugh a lot.  She soon got tired of all this work and giggles and tried to remove herself.  But her head was wedged in and she couldn’t get it out.  Her eyes said full panic mode!  I could not move either.  I am not as skinny as I once was and she’s a bit on the hefty side, as well.  Front-end washer and dryers are placed on pedestals to make it easier to load and unload.  However, once you get stuck in one it makes it hard to get your balance just right so you can get back out.  She wiggled and tugged until she was free then I heard the dog door and again her disapproval.  I finally found the last remaining screw and removed the housing.  The brush was resting right at the top.  I quickly replaced the filter and shut the dryer door.  As I was cleaning up, I saw three little screws.  Oh boy, what to do?  Without a word to anyone, I took my broom and sweep them under the dryer.  Hey, if I need them I know where they are.